Engagement
As mentioned and photoed above, I got engaged this year to the man I truly love (which you can read all about HERE). He asked me in the spot that he knew I envisioned our wedding, and I instantly said yes. But to be entirely honest, things felt off for a few weeks after. I couldn't tell my mother until I returned home from America as it wasn't news that should be sent through text or call. I know some may just instantly Skype their beloved and you'd both scream happily through the phone, but life is a tad more complicated than the movies or shows make it out to be. Life gives you obligations that hurt to break, and even the happiest of news can do that. So, I waited. And because of that, we didn't tell anyone as the parents ought to always be the first to know. On top of that, his family are creatures of family heirlooms which is a beautiful thing but difficult when people have different ring sizes. In fact, we didn't get to resizing until my second trip there as time was against us the first time. And as silly as it sounds, it made it feel as though we weren't really engaged until that second trip. It felt like dress up. Or like we were just sharing one of those conversations that you have with your better half after midnight, fantasising about the future you want to have together. I do think the first trip only felt like that because of the lack of.... tradition? Expectations? I can't find the right words. We never got to do the whole announcement thing together, or get congratulated in person. I never knew I wanted that until it wasn't there. I wanted to be together and tell family and be hugged as my mother got teary and instantly went into dress planning or whatever. By the time that second trip rolled around and it felt real, it seemed too late to celebrate in the ways that it ought to be celebrated. I know what you're saying and thinking; "That's a LDR for you." and I wholeheartedly agree. Alas, despite my ramble, I take our engagement with me into 2018 with the most happiness. It's my gem of the year, both literally and figuratively.
Mental Health
I have no words for this category. I read my 2016 Overview before writing this one to see whether there have been any differences, and boy, it kinda hurt. My mind has plummeted badly this year and though I keep hinting at it and trying to talk about it, I feel myself closing up as soon as someone opens their mouth to respond. My moods have been all over the place. The past few months of this year especially. I keep waiting for it to pass as it has in the past, but it isn't. I imagine a cloud above my head that sometimes let's the sun peek through but other times turns a ghastly grey. Currently it feels like it's cracked and let the rain drown me. I can't find it in me to shake it off, hopefully next year I will.
Edinburgh: Take Two
I returned to Edinburgh only this time I was with my mother. It was our first vacation together and despite a dreary end, it was great. It was exactly what I was expecting, which is a good thing. You can stalk our photos in my 48 Hours In Edinburgh || Photo Diary, if you're interested. It truly is a beautiful place and I think my mother would gladly throw me off of a cliff if it meant she could move there. Heh, kidding. (Or am I?) She even got scratched by a ghost on the graveyard tour we took So, there's that.
Blogtober
I took part in the infamous Twitter takeover that is Blogtober - basically you post everyday in October on your blog and feel guilty about spamming people on social media with the links. Fun! No, but really, I loved it. It was so much fun to push myself in a way that I haven't before. I know I wanted to do NaNoWriMo this year but it felt like I was just doing it alone and I hated it, but Blogtober offered a great alternative. The blogging community is truly a beautiful one filled with such kind people and I'm so appreciative of that. I will admit to failing near the end of October but *points above at the Mental Health section*, nevertheless, I put out so much new content and I loved it.
My Favourite Blogtober Posts:
Music
I'm a creature of habit. If I had to have a slogan on a shirt, that would be it. And as much as I adored Glee with all of my heart, when it ended I had to branch out into the scary world to find new artists that I could love that weren't Lea Michele (THE HORROR!). Heh, no I'm kidding. Kind of. Through the search I discovered so many new songs and voices that I grew to love, and I really liked having that change in my life. I rediscovered Dodie who has always been a firm favourite since I heard her cover of The A Team, Gabrielle Aplin was repeated throughout Summer, Lucy Rose's "Like I Used To" album became a favourite, as did Angus and Julie Stone's "Down The Way". And so many others. Though I'm currently listening to a playlist of Rachel Berry solos, so.....
A Photo Per Day
I started a series this year called A Photo Per Day. I wanted to take more photos and this gave me a great push to do so. I published a shot (almost) everyday on Instagram and then rounded them up each month in blog post form. I've failed immensely this past month or so, but never mind. I stuck by it as much as I could and it really helped with making me be more social on Insta. So, yay!
Books
I've read a heck of a lot this year, more than I ever have done. And I'm so proud of that. I've always had a love for books but this year it has flourished and I'm going into 2018 with a quiet goal of wanting to read a full 100. Wish me luck....? My partner and I discovered the joy of library hopping for their sale sections and oy vey, I think we may end up sleeping on a pile of books by 2020. But hey, there are worse hobbies to have in life.
Summer
This one is a weird one, but bear with me. I discovered a hidden love I have for the Summer this year. Yup, the season. Summer. I always assumed I didn't like it too much, but I think that was just people around me reflecting their thoughts onto mine so I got confused. Is that a thing? Because I think it is. I digress, anyhoo. I really like the sunshine, I mean, I will still gladly choose a rainy day over it, but I think there's an untold beauty in that feeling you get in your heart when you're sitting outside with a cold drink and you're just feeling the sun on you. The way your skin glitters in an almost bright way (though not in an Edward Cullen way, thankfully). I have so many fond memories of the Summertime spent with my mum and our dog Jess, so I think that could have something to do with it. This year, I was in California with my partner and though I can't really explain it, it felt safe. The sun. It felt as though it was wrapped around us. There were no problems, no waking up to something that needs to be fixed, no sleepless nights, just.. normality. That second trip defined my year, and without it, I think I wouldn't of found the will to write this post.
There's so much more I could write, but I think I'll leave it there. Every year is filled with lows and highs, it's inevitable in life. So I know I shouldn't just carry the negatives with me, but I'm really tired. I'm tired of being where I am, stuck in the same routine, with everything only ending in dread or sadness. I just wish I knew how to make it shine when it ought to, you know? Here's hoping I find the answers in 2018.
Happy New Year
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